How to Tone Down the Critic and Tune In To Your Inner Writer’s Wisdom

Mindset for WritersOvercome the Inner Critic

Mar 25

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As writers, we often talk about the painful struggle of dealing with our inner critic and are constantly looking for ways to silence that internal writing bully. You know the voice I'm talking about. It’s that pushy one who always says some version of "not good enough."

Some days, the battle feels near constant, and it can be paralyzing.

One of my clients recently shared how they'd been making great drafting progress—brilliant, in fact—but they still felt insecure.

They were on a solid writing streak, having written every day since November 2023. YES, we're in March. I know! Every. Single. Day. Some days, it was only a sentence; some days, it was a paragraph; some days more.

I'm not saying your writing process needs to look like that; it's just what's working for this writer. To each their own.

So this writer was really proud of the daily writing habit they'd cultivated, as they should be. But …. cue the inner critic. Poking through the happiness and pride of their drafting progress were doubts. Big doubts.

Their inner critic screamed, "Of course, you're making progress because you're not doing it right! There's no depth. It sucks. Anyone can write every day if the words are shit, and it's probably so bad that you will never fix it."

Ouch, right? Also relatable. I catch myself thinking similar things all the time.

How about you?

They shared that this fight was constant and getting uglier. They could quiet the critic for a short while, but it always came back, often stronger than before.

They asked me if fighting the inner critic ever goes away, and I said sadly no, at least not in my experience. But, we can get better at dealing with it and catching the unhelpful thoughts and behaviors that follow. The more we practice self-awareness and lean into our helpful habits, the more efficient we become at getting back to the work that matters.

I've been reflecting on this conversation for a couple of weeks now, and though I wasn't wrong, I missed the opportunity to share the other half of the equation.

It's not just about self-awareness or good habits.

It's also about learning to become your greatest ally by practicing self-love, gratitude for your efforts, and comforting yourself when it's hard so you can continue to move forward.

It's about becoming your own cheerleader.

Mel Robbins, whom I love, has this saying: "No one is coming." And it's true. We can get all the outside help in the world, but at the end of the day, the onus is on the individual to pull the trigger—to take the leap into uncertainty.

No one can do this for you, but you don't have to be alone.

And here's what I want you to know: the voice of the critic isn't the only voice inside that you have access to.

There's another: a calm, supporting voice that is much quieter.

This is the voice of our inner knowing or inner mentor. However, you like to put it. And shouting isn't their style, so some of us don't even know it exists until it's pointed out. I didn't know I had a voice like that inside me until I was shown, so perhaps this is your sign.

When we get quiet and still, we can find it. It's there, filled with grace, wisdom, and guidance to help us through the hard times. All we need to do is learn how to access it and turn up the volume on our mental radio station.

I learned about this voice a few years ago when I read Tara Mohr's book, Playing Big–A Practical Wisdom for Women Who Want to Speak Up, Create, and Lead.

I highly recommend it to help you find and cultivate a relationship with your inner writer’s wisdom that knows your next right step and will hold your hand as you take it. And though the book is aimed at women, anyone would benefit. Take what you like, leave the rest.

It will also help you understand what your inner critic is trying to do: keep you safe from risks that could expose you to dangerous things, like harsh criticism and judgment. As you can see from my client's story, one way the internal critic accomplishes your safety is by doling out its own brand of harsh internal judgment: "Of course, you can XYZ. You're not doing it right, and you'll never fix it."

So, dear writer, your inner critic is just a big ol' scaredy cat that roars loudly to keep threats away. That's its job. Tapping into your inner writer's wisdom will soothe the beast and help you view it with compassion.

Steps to find your inner writer's wisdom from Tara Mohr’s Playing Big:

1. Get still. Quiet your body and mind in whatever way works for you, and imagine yourself years down the road as the wise, knowing, kind version of yourself you wish to become. Then, imagine meeting them and getting to know them. Tara Mohr has an excellent free visualization exercise to guide you in meeting your inner writing mentor. You can find it here.

2. Ask your inner writer questions. Share your struggles and ask for guidance.

3. Write about it. Spend a few minutes journaling about the experience and how they responded to you. How did it feel? What did you learn? As I did, I'll bet you find that you already know the answers. Your inner critic was just being so loud and distracting that you couldn't pay attention to the wisdom.

4. Practice tuning in and adjusting the volume between your Inner Critic and Inner Writer's Wisdom. When you get stuck, turn inside and ask your questions.

As with improving our writing craft, toggling between the two voices is a life-long job (an inside job) and learning process.

Approach it with curiosity and openness. See where it takes you because, ultimately, what will it hurt you to try?

Write it Scared Client Case Study: Admitting and Working Through Self-Doubt.

The client in this email exchange has given me permission to share so that it might help another writer dealing with the same struggle. Thank you, F, for your generosity and sense of community!

Email from Drafting Client Stuck In Self-Doubt:

Self-doubt

Author (name removed for privacy)@gmail.com>

Wed, Jan 31, 10:46 AM

to me

Hi Stacy,

The last few days I’ve been struggling with writing and plotting. I feel anxious about the book and I don’t know if it’s from not writing but I feel the self-doubt coming back. I sometimes feel it’s from lack of progress but I’m trying to tell myself it’s okay to relax or take time off.

I just feel restless and that I have so many stories in my head and I want to write them all but I feel stuck. I know I just need to focus on W and B’s book. I don’t know if it’s just fear talking but it just frustrates me because I want to write, I want to move and make progress but I feel unsure.

I worry I’m going to lose the spark for the book because I can’t figure out the plot. I think it’s honestly just my self-doubt and inner critic coming up again.

Reply From Me:

stacy frazer <stacy@writeitscared.co>

Thu, Feb 1, 7:43 AM

to Author

Dear F,

Aw, thanks for sharing how you're feeling. This writing life is an emotional roller coaster. And this is normal! It's part of the process to dip in productivity, to get stuck, and feel frustrated. It happens to all of us at different times and it will pass. The fear of losing the spark for the story, and the frustration of being unable to write forward because we cannot feel it or see it is scary! But remember feelings are not facts, but they are completely valid. And the most important thing is that they give us information.

In this case, it might mean that you need to shift your idea of what progress looks like and do a little self-check on where you're focusing your energy. Do you have your eyes only on the end goal, the outcome of a finished book, and the fact you are feeling far away from that reality? Is that starting to build and get uncomfortable?

If so, can you shift your energy to being in the moment, to exploration, to curiosity around why the story isn't coming? What do you need to play with, dive deeper into, and learn more about for your story? All of that counts as progress. Can you focus on being here, in the now, vs. gazing at the future and worrying it won't happen?

Plot struggles often stem from a lack of world/conflict understanding or not being clear about character motivations, (wants/needs/values).

Perhaps it's time to dig a little deeper into your worldbuilding, looking at different angles of conflict in the society as a whole. Think of all the threats in the book: Consider the history of the Fae. What is threatening for all the W’s? What threatens WLH? What does he care about more than anything? Who has the ability and power to take that from him? Think about what he cares about on the surface and then what he cares about inside that shames him or that he perhaps won't admit. What threatens S, and what she cares about?

Sometimes, we need to slow down and take material into our creative well so we have something to turn over and chew on in our minds to give us a place to create from.

Creation is a two-part process. There is intake and output. We can't always be in output mode or the well runs dry. Do you need to stoke your creative fire with more material?

Just know this is normal. It's okay to ponder and ruminate, to follow a line of what-ifs. The amount of decisions a writer has to make to create a story sometimes feels overwheliming too. What if we decide wrong? Always a worry. If that is part of the fear, then imagining different scenarios and just walking through a series of what if this was true... how would the rest go? can help.

This will pass. Promise. Consider doing a little fear inventory. (I had to do one the other day because I was spiraling).

Fear inventory format:

I deeply desire to write this book, but I'm afraid... list the fears (shoot for 15)

Then, look at the fears and ask what is true.

Write down what is true or what could be true for every fear. Cancel them out.

What do you need to believe right now, and what action would embody that?

Can you take that action? Action is what changes how we feel. Can we shift our energy and focus from lack to exploration, to patience, to trust?

I hope this helps. Self-doubt is a normal part of the process. We grow in our understanding of it and acquire tools to help us through it to become our best ally. Each time we face it, it gets a bit easier because we can look back and say, "Hey, I've been here before. I know what to do now: Self-check, inventory, shift focus, explore, ask questions, and trust that it will come, because it always does.”

Writing a novel is an inside job we don't do alone.

You are supported and cared for. You are a storyteller with a beautiful now and a bright future. Lean into the now, my friend. Trust yourself.

Talk soon,

Stacy

Less than a month later…

Update!!!

Author (name removed for privacy)@gmail.com>

Fri, Feb 23, 7:00 AM

to me

I FINISHED B'S BOOK! AHHHHHHHHH!

Reply:

stacy frazer <stacy@writeitscared.co>

Feb 23, 2024, 7:07 AM

to Author

Omg!!!!!!!! Yes!!!!!! How did you decide to handle …

Back to you dear writer:

I hope this article and case study help you see that self-doubt is normal and doesn’t have to stop you from writing your story.

One of the best things you can do when facing the stuck and feeling frozen, when the inner critic is screaming, is reach out to others whom you trust to normalize and validate the feelings. Then, apply perspective and tools to find your inner wisdom, so you become your best ally and move forward.

Practice cultivating that calming inner voice and increasing its volume as you simultaneously decrease the volume on the inner critic, knowing the critic will never go away.

Stand solid in the knowledge that you are the one who gets to control the settings of your mental radio.