Navigating Emotions in Writing: How to Handle Personal Experiences and Emotional Wounds

Today, we’re going to talk about an emotionally challenging topic that many writers face but is rarely discussed.

This topic has been on my heart in one way or another for the last month. What clinched my decision to talk about it here was when my client asked for guidance: “How do I write when the messy emotional parts of real life mimic what my characters are going through? When it feels too painful and raw, touch it?”

As I said, it’s not a pleasant topic, but one that needs open and honest conversation.

That’s how we fight the dark. We let in the light.

So let me ask you …

Do you pour your heart into your writing?

Do your personal experiences, the wounds you carry, seep into your stories?

Ever find it challenging to write when your characters mirror the hardships you’re going through or have faced in the past?

I get it. Many writers I work with delve deep, writing from a place of raw honesty, vulnerability, and resilience.

I strive to do the same. On some level, writing pieces of our truth is inescapable. I craft stories about messy, intrapersonal growth because they echo my wish for myself and humanity. That is not always fun to do, my friend.

When we write from our core, it can hurt.

Life’s emotional upheavals can trigger us–DEEP. Scratch at wounds not completely healed. And when that happens, we can be tempted to freeze, run, or give up on our manuscript goals. Say, “Fuck it. This is too hard.”

But if we want this writing life, if we want to write about what matters to us, we cannot quit.

We can feel it, tend to it, and take breaks if needed, but quitting altogether isn’t an option. We must find a way to go forward.

As I mentioned, one of my clients recently faced this struggle, and I wanted to share my thoughts and how I coached them in case it will help you (or someone you know) now or in the future.  

Here are some ideas on how to handle emotional wounds when the writing lands too close to the heart: 

• Prioritize Your Well-Being First: If your writing delves into sensitive personal topics, please be mindful of your mental and emotional well-being. Writing can reopen old wounds that we thought were healed.

  Assess if you’re in a steady enough place to tackle this issue; if you are not or are unsure, reach out for help. Identify available resources if emotions become overwhelming. You may not need these things, but having a backup plan is best.

  Here’s a link to Emergency Mental Health Resources across seventeen nations. I don’t have to tell you this is no joke, especially at this time of year.

  There is no shame in putting down a project to take care of yourself.

  Remember, your mental health and general well-being are more important than anything else, and you deserve support. Be safe.

• Write Damn Lean: Skim the surface. Use placeholders, such as TK (to come) for character emotions. You’ll weave in the depth and interiority later. It’s okay to write in fragments. Writing lean will help you maintain momentum and distance yourself from the feelings until you are ready.

• Skip or Summarize The Difficult Scene: Summarize emotionally challenging scenes. Provide cliff notes: this happened, and as a result, that happened, etc. Or skip that particular scene altogether and write a different scene in the lineup with less emotional charge. Reassure yourself that you will come back to it later because you will. 

• Channel Your Emotions: Infuse your emotions into the story. Write it angry, in tears, and let the snot pour. Pound on your keys or press until the pencil breaks. It’s okay if it doesn’t mirror your character’s exact truth at the moment. You’ll edit it later.

• Take Breaks with Accountability: Step away for a set amount of time but build in accountability. Ask a writing friend or someone you trust to check in and make sure you haven’t completely ghosted your manuscript goals.

• Shelve It Completely and Work On Your Healing: I know. I said we have to find a way to write about what matters to us, and I believe that. But there are no hard fasts here, no clear-cut solutions to this human existence.

  Sometimes, the truth is we are not ready, and that does not mean we failed. It means we haven’t healed enough or at all to be able to write about it … YET.

  That is okay.

  I speak from personal experience. Years ago, I began a personal creative nonfiction project that dealt with family trauma, and I wasn’t ready. It was too close. But attempting to write it gave me information. There was still work to be done, so I got busy with therapy … again.

  I say it fast, like it was easy. It wasn’t.

  But I learned to touch that theme in other ways, in other character’s adventures. And through the healing journey, my faith in my ability to trust myself and my creativity grew.

  Again, there is no shame in shelving a project to take care of yourself. 

This is the challenge of writing it deep and true. 

For those of us mining the depths, we confront ourselves and our past. And for some of us, writing a novel is akin to the personal development journey we never knew we signed up for. 

But remember, you don’t have to be strong all at once. 

You don’t have to be brave all at once. 

And you do not need to do it alone. 

“What kind of writer can make characters [you care about]? I think the kind of writer who is not afraid to access the deepest places in himself ...” Ann Rittenberg Literary Agent. Keynote Speech, Bennington College 2002.

Keep writing, even when it’s hard, but take care of yourself above all else.

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