Do You Suck at Celebrating Your Success? Here's How We Change That, and Why It Matters
Are you good about acknowledging and celebrating your achievements?
If you are like many of the writers I work with, the answer is “Not really.”
Most of us, myself included, already have our eyes set on the next “to do” before we’ve really even acknowledged what we’ve just completed. This may be a byproduct of our fast-paced lives, but sometimes, we don’t see our achievements as valuable and meaningful.
Both reasons for not celebrating can be damaging, and I want to talk about why because we always have a choice when it comes to our thoughts and intentions. Every choice comes with a cost.
If we blow past our successes (no matter how small they may be) or downplay them, we lose more than just a moment in time.
We lose sight of our growth as writers and human beings. We lose the potential to increase our self-esteem, boost our mood, set a good example, and fortify our resilience for next time.
We lose the opportunity to be seen, inspire others, and let them participate in our journey.
In the long run, not slowing down will put us at risk for burnout, doing for doing’s sake, and sucking all the joy out of the thing we were once passionate about. Trust me—I have a lot of practice turning play into work. And at times, I'm better at being a human doing vs. a human being. I don't recommend this.
Let's get real here:
Writing a novel takes tremendous emotional, intellectual, and physical energy. It takes dedication, perseverance, belief, faith, trust, time, outside support, and sacrifice, and I doubt any of us actually give ourselves enough credit.
And the flip side is we know it. We know this is hard, and we don't hesitate to give credit to our fellow writers. And we’d never dream of not celebrating our children if they sat down day after day and dedicated themselves to a big task.
The bottom line is that reflecting on our accomplishments will only increase our sense of self-worth and intrinsic motivation (doing things for enjoyment and personal growth).
So why is it so hard to celebrate ourselves? Why not us? Why not you? Why not me?
Everyone's answer will be different. We come from different emotional backgrounds. For some of us (like me), celebrating is too strong of a word. Maybe it brings up images of parties, streamers, and attention (cringe). Perhaps that's why we shy from it.
But it doesn't have to be about any of that. A celebration can be as small as a smile and deep breath shared between friends or just between you and your coffee mug. It's not really about what one does to celebrate. What matters is just taking the action.
What we can do is be intentional to create a habit out of self-acknowledgement and lean on others to help us remember to do these things for ourselves.
Case in point:
A couple of my clients are finishing first drafts and revision projects, and I asked them how they planned to celebrate. Neither took the question very seriously. One said lots of ice cream, and the other did a shoulder shrug.
I smiled a certain smile, and they said, “Oh, no…what’s that mean?”
And I laughed.
Because my writers know they don’t get off easy—oh no, we do a whole self-assessment exercise during our wrap-up sessions–this goes for both private and group coaching clients.
We do this exercise to reflect on what they’ve learned, realize the value of their progress, acknowledge the effort it took to be in it, and achieve the final result.
None of them are shocked at this point because we do check-ins regularly, not just about the project but also about the process and how they see themselves changing during the experience.
The Writer’s Self-Assessment Tool
The self-assessment is a tool to slow the experience down, freeze-frame if you will, and help writers reflect with a lens of gratitude, compassion, authentic pride (not arrogance), and built-in ideas for celebrating their accomplishments, big and small.
I ask every writer some version of the following questions, and I encourage you to stop periodically during your writing journey, maybe once a month, and ask yourself at least the first two!
Identify three to five things writing/life-related that you are proud of and state why.
How will you celebrate yourself and your dedication? This can be big or small!
What did you enjoy about the process?
How did you feel about your ability to achieve (insert goal) at the start of the process, and how do you feel now?
What did you do well?
What strengths did you use?
What did you learn? What skills did you enhance or develop?
What beliefs do you now hold about the process of writing a novel?
What were your most significant challenges/obstacles?
How did you overcome or adapt to them?
What would you change for next time?
Embracing and celebrating our achievements, no matter how small, matters.
By taking the time to acknowledge our successes, we reinforce our self-worth, bolster our motivation, and sustain our passion for writing. This act of reflection not only enriches our personal journey but also sets a positive example for others.
So, writer friend, let's make a pact. Let’s commit to this practice—pause, appreciate, and celebrate our milestones.
Here's to a more fulfilling and resilient creative life for all of us!
