Why Your Novel Is Taking So Long—And Why That’s Okay
Or when “How’s the Book Coming?” Feels Like a Punch to the Gut
Do people outside your writing life know you’re writing a book?
Do you ever find yourself dreading the moment they ask about your progress?
“So how’s the book coming along?” they say. Or perhaps they lead with the cringier question: “When can I read it?” 😵💫
Of course, you reply with some version of “Still working on it!” because you feel obligated and wouldn’t dream of being rude. And it was you who told them about this endeavor in the first place, and you know they’re just trying to be supportive.
And then comes their follow-up response: “Wow. You’ve been writing that for such a long time.” 😳
Instantly, your cheeks heat with the discomfort of possibly being judged and found lacking. And you also feel like someone just pounded a spike into your heart.
Because they’re right.
You have been working on this a long time. Maybe years.
But of course you just smile and say: “Mmm-hm, sure have.” Because you feel like there’s nothing else to say. (NOT TRUE, but we’ll talk about that in a second.)
The conversation moves on (because if you’re like me, you’ve probably initiated an emergency subject change), meanwhile you’re swallowed up by feelings of deflation and guilt.
Like you just let someone down because you have nothing to show for your laborious efforts.
No concrete proof for all the times you’ve begged off hanging out, or paid a babysitter, or asked your partner for an hour, or skipped your exercise just so you could make some time to write.
And damn it, you feel like you should have something to show by now.
This leads writers into the dangerous and all-too-familiar land of “WHY BOTHER.”
The WHY BOTHER LAND is filled with quicksand, landmines, and undertows that masquerade in the form of super (NOT) helpful thoughts like:
Will I ever not be writing this book?
Even if I do finish, there’s no guarantee anyone will want to read it. What if I’m wasting my time?
If I were a better writer, a smarter writer, a better storyteller, (fill in the blank)...I’d be farther along. Hell, I’d be finished. Maybe even published.
I should be farther along than I am now.
Does it even matter?!
This is THE SPIRAL. And it happens more than most of us probably want to admit. It happens to me.
But we gotta call bullshit on ourselves here.
What’s happening in the moment between our friend or family member asking us for a progress update and our response of “working on it” is a feeling of lack. Of not-enoughness.
And it’s just not true.
Feelings are not facts. 🙌
In that moment, we are letting external outcomes (or the lack thereof) dictate our internal drives. We’re allowing our need for approval, acceptance, and to be seen as producing something of value to determine the worth of our time.
We’re giving our power away—our right to decide what’s valuable to us—and we’re missing an opportunity to educate the non-writing world about what this really takes.
This is an opportunity to break perceptions.
And who knows, maybe you’re talking to a closeted writer. Maybe they’ve been watching you, admiring you, wondering if they have what it takes.
Wondering if they have what you have: the dedication, the determination, the drive. And they want it. Or maybe they’re just curious about some other creative endeavor.
Either way, those who really care? They want to know the truth.
And those that don’t and are using some inverse form of one-upping?
THEY. DON’T. MATTER.
Their opinion of you and your writing doesn’t matter.
You are not doing any of this for them.
The truth is, writing is hard. And it takes a long damn time to get good at it. It takes practice and dedication.
That is what you are doing, toiling away day after day with your novel.
Most non-writers don’t know that. They assume—like I used to—that writing a story is easy. Just putting words down on the page in order.
But you know and I know that is far from the truth.
Really, it’s the greatest testament to the human spirit there is…
Pursuing something with no guarantees because it excites you. Lights you up. Engages you. Challenges you.
And simply because of those things it is enough. It has meaning—to you.
You have the ability and capacity to create your own meaning and values. Don’t let your ego strip that away from you.
So the next time you find yourself bracing when a friend or extended family member asks you for a writing update…
Try telling the truth.
Tell them it’s hard. Not because you’re lacking, but because writing a good novel takes a long time to do well.
Tell them it’s an art and a skill that requires dedication, effort, and a hell-of-a-lot of bandwidth to pursue.
Tell them what you’re learning.
Tell them what you’re excited about.
Tell them you’re scared sometimes. That you worry you won’t figure it out.
Tell them real-life author stories, if you want.
Like V.E. Schwab, who wrote The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue, which sold over 2 million copies in the U.S. alone and stayed on the New York Times bestseller list for 37 weeks. Tell them that story took ten years to plot and write.
Or the book club phenomenon Where the Crawdads Sing, a debut novel by Delia Owens that held the number one spot on the NYT list for 32 weeks solid. Tell them that book took a decade to write as well.
Or don’t.
But do tell them that yep—labors of love, just like raising our children, take time.
Precious time.
Important time.
Meaningful time.
Tell them you’re grateful they care enough to ask.
Just don’t let them labor under the false assumption that writing a book is easy, because it’s not.
Then go look in the mirror and remind yourself:
I am proud of my effort.
I see the gains—in the idea, the draft, the revision.
I see the courage and heart it takes to keep going.
I am doing this for me.
And that is enough.
And who knows...your example and willingness to be honest might just help another budding writer find their way to the table…and be proud of their efforts too. ❤️
